Where’s My Tiny Violin When I Need It?

Violin
A rash of OKCupid matches floods my mailbox from married men whining that their wives don’t want to have sex. I misplaced my tiny violin so I can’t commiserate with guys who conclude that cheating on spouses is the solution to their dilemmas. Here’s a message for you dudes: Boo hoo. Grow up. God programmed us to procreate when we’re young for a reason. Stop believing Playboy and Cosmo philosophies that a meaningful life is impossible without regular sex. You’ve got other issues and you want to use sex as a Band-aid. Pull it off. Fast. The Band-aid, that is.

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