Remind me never again to watch a contemporary biblical film. Today’s movie makers insist on adding creepy Transformer-like characters to plots. Case in point: I should have taken the film Noah out of the DVD player as soon as granite giants offered to help Noah build the ark. I checked my Bible. No sky-high stone creatures. When Noah announces he’ll off his twin granddaughters, even the cats left my lap in disgust. I like Darren Aronofsky, but what was he smoking when he produced this bizarre movie—and where are Cecil B. DeMille and Charleton Heston when you need them?